Baby blues
by myloyaltiesliewithHP
Summary: A collection of one shots revolving having a baby in the middle of the war. Nothing too graphic, just heart warming little scenes in my head.


There are other chaps to this story, just oneshots.

Disclaimer: I don't own HP or its people. JK does.

Review?

...

 **Crisp, cool October air blew at her red hair, sending it flying around in a soft frenzy. Lily bit back a sigh and glanced around the almost deserted square of Hogsmeade. Her eyes flitted unwillingly to the shadow in the background, the huge castle, its outline popping out against the dull sky, and she felt the familiar volley of emotions again. Nostalgia, mixed with a sudden surge of sadness as, inevitably, the familiarity of the place brought memories of people, acquaintances, classmates, friends...some alive, some gone.**

 **So many little things to remember. So many people to mourn for. She hated this bit of visiting these areas, the gloom and despair she couldn't seem to shake off. Hogwarts was warmth and glory and fun and laughter. It was the place she'd found her family, her boys, her best friend. It was where she realised what it meant to live. Hogwarts was home; it shouldn't associate with sadness.**

 **But as another twinge shot through her heart, she knew she needed to work on that bit.**

 **Frowning, Lily pushed away her hair, cursing her stupidity at not having brought a hair tag. They were late.**

 **There was a movement behind her, but the young woman didn't turn to look or pull her wand out. She knew who it was. They had barely three years together, but that was more than enough to develop a connection as if they'd already spent fifteen with the other, and then some. She didn't panic. Her senses didn't tingle. Her instinct, in fact, made gooey eyes and melted as familiar arms wrapped around her from behind possessively, and a chin rested on her head. A smile tugged at her lips.**

 **Her despair dissolved.**

" **They're late, the idiots." James grumbled and she leaned back against his shoulder to tilt her head up and press a kiss to his jaw in reassurance.**

" **Sirius is probably fiddling with his hair." Lily grinned as warmer memories floated in. Her heart tingled with fondness. " I bet you two galleons he's going to show up in that jacket I gave him."**

" **I doubt it, Lily. He did seem rather attached to that cloak we went and got last month..." James suddenly bit his cheek to keep in a laugh at the memory of their impromptu shopping trip. She didn't have to know the details of** _ **that,**_ **oh no.**

" **I still say jacket. Two galleons, Potter."**

" **You're on, Evans. Or wait, oops! I can't call you that anymore!"**

 **She narrowed her eyes even though a huge smile was prominent on her face. All trace of gloom washed away as she elbowed him. " This must be the six hundredth time you've done that, James."**

" **But I still can't get used to it." He bent down and nuzzled his face into her neck, eliciting a half giggle. Lily never actually** _ **giggled**_ **but there was this sound he'd learned to coax out when things became playful and light.**

 **And it was little things like that which kept him sane.**

 **They shared an empathetic link that he was so grateful for at times, he'd sell his broomstick to keep it that way. Life wasn't a bed of roses. At all. The loss he had to go through in such a short span was staggering. The death of both his parents, the constant anxiety, the worry, the battles. So many people dying, and they were only just beginning to live. His incessant reputation as a cheer bringer to every gloomy room was what made James still stay that way. The Order of The Phoenix adored him and Sirius simply because their mere presence kept the room light and airy, not just because they were the best in the ranks. People looked at him for a snarky remark or a joke or some sass in the midst of gloom but few understood he was just as crushed as them and sometimes felt lost. Sometimes his throat would clog, hands would sweat as he searched for a sentence, at least a word of positivity, but came up blank. Sometimes he** _ **couldn't**_ **find the light. Sometimes he'd come home nearly shattered with the weight... But then Lily would work her magic. He didn't even need to say a word. She'd automatically toss away her worries, whatever her problem was and either curl up with him in bed or get him to help her with chores or pull him out and about in the little village, all the while keeping a firm grip on his hand and peace and strength in her eyes. Faith in him, in their lives.**

 **He drew his light from her. He might've been ready to just toss himself off a cliff because he felt so** _ **dead**_ **but one laugh, a grin, a mirthful sparkle in her bright green eyes and he'd automatically find the illumination. Sometimes it was her annoyance, sometimes the flash in her eyes from that spark of anger, sometimes the way she simply held his hand or smacked Sirius across the head— exuberance flowed from almost every such action, she was overflowing with passion and intensity in** _ **whatever**_ **she did and** _ **that**_ **was his elixir.**

 **He absorbed it and gave it as much as he could to the rest of the world.**

 **But she was just as passionate in her sorrows. Sometimes she was the one who couldn't help the tears or the fury at the injustice or the anguish of loss. She felt with such vehemence, he drew calm from that too. Because she needed him then and he'd be damned if he wasn't strong enough for her.**

 **They worked together well. He'd told her multiple times that he'd been right to repeatedly ask her out when they were younger because otherwise, he wouldn't have lasted till date, in the world as it was today.**

 **Her response was always an incandescent smile and a peck to his temple.**

 **But right now, both of them were facing the same sort of problem, the same doubt, and they were in it together but neither knew where to look for complete reassurance because doubt lingered on** _ **both**_ **their minds.**

 **James pressed another distracted kiss to her temple and his thumb automatically rubbed little circles on her stomach.**

 **He didn't notice what he was doing until her hands covered his own and she sighed, leaning up and pressing her forehead to his cheek. He pulled her a tad closer, returning the pressure.**

 **Not now. Today was supposed to be happy.**

" **What was the name of that girl you came here with for the first time?" Lily asked suddenly, looking at him slyly. He knew it was an attempt at distraction and played along for both their sakes.**

" **Why do you even care now? That was centuries ago."**

" **Amanda?" she mused, tapping her chin. " Or...oh, wait, it was Harper wasn't it?"**

" **All I remember, " he smiled cheekily, and pressed his lips to her cheek, "Is that it wasn't Lily Evans."**

 **She grinned and squirmed as the chaste kiss turned to a bite, and her eyes suddenly lit up.**

" **Karen! It was Karen Doley. I'm sure of it."**

" **Lily." He whined. " Stop. This is stupid!"**

" **Humour me, Potter." She patted his arm and he nipped at her ear in response. Squirming and nearly squealing as he played, with James revelling in the light laugh bubbling from her chest, they simply stood for a while in the cold, barely feeling it. Her sounds brought peeps from the nearby shops, all half closed and just as dull as the sky and the world around them. Old faces peered through the glass and many smiles broke out on faces, the expression a little foreign on their faces, as they watched the two familiar old figures in the square, drawn to the warmth they seemed to emit. Memories of old days floated in, and some of them stepped out to just watch, gravitating towards the sound of laughter that hadn't sounded in the little village of Hogsmeade for quite some time now.**

 **Catching sight of Madam Rosmerta, James twisted Lily around, arms never leaving her from behind, to look at the barmaid. Lily grinned and waved enthusiastically and James smiled at the shop owner of Zonkos who'd popped his head out at the familiar voice that had shared his prankster mindset. Madam Rosmerta chuckled as she recalled the former Head Students and their drama and epic fights and finally, their multiple dates at her little pub. James winked at her.**

" **Got a seat for us, ma'am?" he called, pulling Lily closer as she tried to escape now that they had an audience. He rolled his eyes inside his head. They were** _ **married**_ **and she still couldn't be completely comfortable.**

 **The pretty barmaid smiled warmly. "Anytime, James."**

 **He flashed her another grin, the charming one he'd always sported back in his school days and the woman found herself thankful that he hadn't lost it. " We'll be right in." He called over the sudden wind. "We're just waiting for three more to show up."**

 **Smiling, the barmaid bustled inside, turning just to see him ask Lily something into her shoulder and she shook her head in reply. Rosmerta could guess very well who their companions would be and her sudden brightness and the smile she tossed her three other diners surprised the customers.**

 **Outside, the wind died and Lily watched as with two distinct pops, familiar faces materialised and her heart warmed so much, she felt like she'd burst. James released her in an instant.**

" **Jacket."**

 **In a flash of red hair, she had flown at the ebony haired wizard who'd just apparated, and he caught her neatly, swinging the girl around to balance her momentum. Her squeal died in the wind but his laugh didn't, merging with the ones from the mouths of the other two men as they drew closer to the two grinning friends. The air warmed, as did four hearts.**

 **Sirius was still grinning wildly and he directed his radiance at James. " You finally did it!"**

" **Finally?" James shot him a look. " Have some class, Padfoot, my son's listening."**

" **I don't think he's old enough for that. But son?" Sirius shot Lily a grin. "** _ **No**_ **, mini Lily with Prong's eyes."**

" **God, no. James has** _ **awful**_ **eyesight." She shook her head in mock seriousness and extracted herself from his arm. The smiling red head turned to the silent third wizard as Sirius leapt at James in the background, bubbling with happiness, both of them laughing wildly.**

 **Lily smiled warmly at Remus and he sighed, returning it slowly. She pulled him into a much softer hug, swallowing the fact that his face was even more gaunt than before, scars on his face, eyes seemingly dead but lighting up momentarily as he drank in the sight of his friends.**

" **How have you been, Moony?" she enquired quietly into his ear and he chuckled.**

" **Oh, just wonderful." The werewolf muttered sarcastically as she pulled away, and she saw with a pang, the lines on his face, testaments of how unfair and harsh life was on the man. But eyes twinkled now with a light as he teased, "Stork visited already, huh?"**

 **She went slightly pink but laughed, and he detected a touch of nervousness in it. His eyes shifted to a grinning James who engulfed him in a hug as well.**

" **Lawn mower." Lupin greeted.**

" **Rabbit chaser." James returned, smiling.**

 **Remus Lupin saw immediately that even though it touched his eyes, it didn't completely burst from the orbs of hazel like before, obscured a little by a patch of worry, and he knew it wasn't all okay.**

 **They dragged themselves into The Three Broomsticks and sat down at a quiet corner booth, automatically smiling and reminiscing with silent pangs, their days of mischief, certain pranks, dates. For the first time in a long while, laughter filled the pub again, and Rosmerta beamed at Sirius as he pulled out his cards and flirted with her shamelessly while his companions snickered in the background.**

 **As they sipped on drinks and discussed Peter's inability to arrive (he sends his hello to the little Potter, Sirius reported), Remus noticed that though they beamed and warmed considerably at the mention of this newest addition recently discovered in her tummy, Lily and James seemed rather...off.**

 **He exchanged a glance with Sirius discreetly and knew he caught on too.**

" **Does Dumbledore know?" Sirius poked Lily's stomach gently almost experimentally and she slapped his hand away with an eye roll. James was leaning back against the cushions, one hand wrapped around hers, the other playing with his glass. He took a moment to come back to the present, Sirius saw. Maybe the familiarity of the little gathering had let him slip away. James smiled.**

" **He knows." He said slowly. "McGonagall visited last Friday. It's barely been two weeks since we found out."**

" **Did he say anything?" Remus asked carefully, trying to test his theory that maybe Dumbledore's words had caused this...tension.**

" **Nah." James waved a hand. " He was his usual self... and actually told us to keep in touch."**

" **So what's bothering you?"**

 **Silence fell at Sirius's direct question, and Lily fingered her glass of tea quietly. All facades of cheer faded as the young couple exchanged a glance, silently deciding what to reveal. James looked away first, sighing lightly and fixed his gaze on his best mate.**

" **This is a** _ **baby**_ **we're talking about." He began quietly, voicing, for the first time, the problem that had been eating at them ever since they found out. "We're in the middle of a war so it just seems..."**

" **Reckless." Lily mumbled, swallowing a sudden lump. It shouldn't have sounded like that. She shouldn't have been saying this about their little boy, girl, whichever. The baby didn't deserve to be...**

 **Second guessed.**

 **Another sharp ache tore through her chest at her words. This wasn't** _ **fair**_ **. They shouldn't have had to fear so much about raising a family. Granted they were young, but they were both qualified. Both of them could do normal jobs and just settle like any normal family easily. They** _ **chose**_ **to fight for justice,** _ **chose**_ **to put their happiness on the line for the greater good, but this?**

 **Was this worth it? Her practicality forced her to think along those lines but it was unacceptable to the woman inside.**

 _ **Her**_ **baby, a part of** _ **James**_ **, didn't— shouldn't— deserve this.**

 **She felt a horrible loathing towards herself for the way her thoughts had twisted. What kind of a mother was she going to be if she** _ **second guessed her own child?!**_

 **Sensing her sudden shift, James sighed and pulled her closer, offering a comfort he didn't really feel. From the way she shrank into her little world, he knew Lily was bordering on self depreciation. And he felt helpless to stop it, because what could he say?**

 **He couldn't promise her a safety with what was going on, or their moral obligations. He couldn't promise a safe upbringing for a child in this chaos and darkness. Because those promises would be hollow. Just the two of them and a** _ **baby?**_ **It was a dream come true but** _ **not**_ **like this. Not with so much darkness and despair.**

 **He was doubting his ability to protect his family.**

 **Sirius suddenly slammed his glass on the table and the two looked up sharply. Remus watched, eyes burning.**

 **The ebony haired wizard** _ **glared**_ **at them.**

" **You're being** _ **idiots."**_

" **Padfoot..." Remus called warningly but Sirius ignored him.**

 **His jaw clenched and he couldn't** _ **believe**_ **what had happened to** _ **his best friend**_ **and...and Lily** _ **!**_ **An irrational anger bubbled in his chest and he glowered. "What do you think you're doing even** _ **having**_ **such thoughts?! What the fu— hell happened to you, James?!"**

" **I'm being realistic." James snapped and Lily hid a wince. She hated it when they fought. " It's not the best era to bring up a child, Sirius."**

" **Oh, I'm sorry." Grey eyes flashed. " I didn't know you'd be alive till the next century to have a family!"**

" **That's not what I—"**

" **Then** _ **what**_ **did you mean?" he growled. " Enlighten me, Prongs, because you're being a git and I don't know what to do with you."**

 **James fell silent, sinking back against the couch and glancing at Lily, who hadn't moved at all since the last word she'd said. But right now, she'd given his hand a little pressure, and he swallowed his remarks and backed down.**

" **Exactly what I thought." Sirius snapped. "I don't know what the hell has gotten into you two but** _ **snap out of it.**_ **You're forgetting yourself, James; you promised me that wouldn't happen. You swore the war wouldn't change you."**

" **It's not easy, Sirius."**

" **Of course it's not! But look at you now! You're the one who taught me to hold on when I had to go back to a family of bloodthirsty Slytherins." His voice strained from the desperation to make his friends see the light. "** _ **You're**_ **the one who taught Moony to be optimistic.** _ **You**_ **spoke about living** _ **every single moment**_ **because we haven't got many to spare!"**

 **His outburst was greeted by silence but James clearly looked torn. He was staring outside with an intensity that could've melted the windows, but his eyes screamed with lingering doubts although his friend's words had begun to find their mark.**

" **Well? I don't understand what you intend to do, Prongs." Sirius said, suddenly cold. " What's done is done. If you really think its too much, there's still time to safely get an MTP."**

 **James snapped.**

 **Hazel eyes ripped at Grey,** _ **livid**_ **and blazing at the suggestion and his entire posture went too rigid to be deemed human as he held himself in check, the effort painful. Sirius glared back just as coldly.**

" **Don't give me that look." He snapped. "It's the only solution to your** _ **realistic views."**_

" **Padfoot." Remus said more firmly this time, "Look at this from their perspective. It really is a lot to take in."**

 **A low growl built in the other wizard's chest and the werewolf hastened to complete his statement. " Let me finish." He insisted. " You're absolutely right with what you said. James, Lily, listen. There's already someone in there." His voice softened at the end and James flicked his gaze to the gaunt young man. " And he's going to come out whether its safe or not. You're being** _ **impractical**_ **by doubting yourselves."**

 **The former Head boy ran a hand through his messy hair, knotting his fingers in it at the back. The uncertainty was thawing slowly, he knew. He saw what they were trying to tell him. But still...**

" **You know, I've been having a really,** _ **really**_ **bad month." Remus continued in a soft, haunted voice as his eyes lost focus as they fixed on the tall glass in front of him. A shadow fell on his face, hooded his eyes. He was looking at something only he could see, living in a different time and place for a moment as he spoke. " It had never gotten this bad before." He muttered. " I came close, dangerously close to losing my sanity and my confidence. I almost destroyed myself."**

 **He didn't look up, but saw his companions' pale faces in the glass table and sighed. " But then your owl came, Lily, and you won't believe how it changed me." Remus smiled a little more. "This news, this little innocence about to join us, it helped me get through the rest of my days."**

 **He paused for a long while, lost in memories and the shadow over his face lightened. "What we all need, is a little light to look at when we can't find it in ourselves. Your short letter was the only thing that kept me going because it gave me** _ **hope**_ **." A long drawn out sigh escaped his lips and the young werewolf looked up at his old friends.**

 **James was watching him with a small smile, Sirius picking at his napkin distractedly. Lily had looked up finally, and she seemed calm and collected but her eyes spoke volumes. You'd think after such an admission, she'd cry, but** _ **that**_ **was Lily. Remus almost chuckled. "It's not as bad as you think, any of this. Whatever happens, happens for a reason."**

 **Sirius suddenly looked up. " If you think, Prongs, and you, little miss silent killer, that we're going to let anything happen to this baby, you're terribly mistaken." A confident smirk danced on his lips and James watched, drawing reassurance from that fire in grey eyes.**

 **He felt his own lips twitch in reply. Sirius leaned forward. " Is that Potter's baby, Evans?"**

 **Lily smiled and nodded.**

" **Then it belongs to me too. I'll die before anything happens to the kid. Case closed."**

 **Heart warmed, James let his eyes flit over to his silent companion and saw, to his relief, Lily was almost grinning. Her gaze flitted to his and he saw the conviction in them.**

 **Positivity was seeping into green pools as he watched and his chest lightened in correspondence to her change. Her fingers laced into his own, and he saw the ring he'd put on her hand glitter silently at him from her slender finger, almost calmly signalling, reminding and reassuring him of the fact that he had every bit of the strength needed to protect his family. That strength came from strange sources like a rebellious wizard and a half wolf, but it was powerful. James almost smiled as the doubt melted.**

 **Yes, it was dangerous. Yes, they would have to go through a lot. And yes, it seemed reckless but wasn't everything? They had the nerve to get married at 19, then they'd sure as hell have the baby at 21.**

 **Because this was light, this was hope to many, it was something to give him strength.**

 **And he's going to do every bloody thing he can to keep that light burning.**

 **They all were, apparently.**

" **So," Sirius began lightly, now that** _ **his James**_ **and** _ **his Lily**_ **were back, and Moony was grinning, " Can we call him Fawn?"**

" **No!"**

" **Aww come on, Lily-bean! Its creative and special and—"**

" **Stupid." Lily shot.**

 **Remus laughed lightly as the red head and the ebony haired wizard narrowed their eyes at each other playfully. James grinned at him. " This might turn out into an interesting nine months."**

" **I'll bet." The werewolf laughed.**

 **Hearts lighter, confidence renewed by two significant figures who cared as much as they did, James and Lily found themselves beaming at the prospect of a little Prongs with green eyes. They had been many things, the two of them: enemies, rivals, one sided crush, friends, a couple, a** _ **married**_ **couple.**

 **And now, James smiled as he lifted her hand while she argued with Sirius, and kissed her fingers, directing a soft, but blazing green eyed gaze his way, he melted completely and added two other titles to that list:**

 **Soon to be Proud parents. And luckiest people in the world to have a dog and a wolf so closely knit to themselves.**


End file.
